I apologize for the lack of poetic recaps of late. I mean, I meant to blog about The Bachelor, but I’ve been confused. Is this one of those crazy crossover shows where they take characters from one show and delicately interweave the story lines?Am I watching Gotham? Are these all the crazies that have escaped from Arkham under the careful watch of Detective Gordon? If that’s the case, let me at those producers, I have so many ideas.

While I wait for the spinoff of The Bachelor: Survivor so I can see Kelsey and Ashley I. try to survive in the Badlands with no mirror or makeup counter for miles, I guess I’ll have to settle for finding out if our small town farm boy is going to actually take someone back to Arlington, Iowa to play Laura Ingalls with him.

So before Chris unsuspectingly takes a virgin to the fantasy suite, here is the next installment of –

The Bachelor Beat: The Hometowns

Just a small-town boy, born and raised in Arlington,
took a group of girls to the middle of nowhere.
Some girls gasped, some girls swooned
Some girls couldn’t wait to go home soon.
He took a group of girls to the middle of nowhere.

Oh Chris, don’t stop believin’
hold on to your false ideals
These girls lie and
are in Playboy!

Hometown visit to Chicago, where Whitney’s sister flat out said No.
She doesn’t want her sister dating a polygamist.
Kaitlyn rapped, she wasn’t rude
Becca’s family outed her as a prude
No one wants their kid dating a polygamist.

Oh Chris, don’t stop believin’
hold on to your false ideals
These girls lie and
are in Playboy!

Just a small-town girl, showed her naughty bits to the world
with a name like Jade, it was inevitable.
Some pics were tame, some were lewd
Chris saw Jade and she was completely nude.
With a name like Jade, it was inevitable.

Oh Chris, don’t stop believin’
hold on to your false ideals
These girls lie and
are in Playboy!